The Secret Circle recap: We act like we're awkwardly doing the nasty

Remember when I told you three days ago that I'll post the recap the next day? Something, I mean nothing, intervened (key word: laziness) so I just made it today. But first, previously on the Secret Circle:

• Cassie Blake, a blonde Bella Swan wannabe, comes back to Chance Harbor, a stone throw away from Forks, where her mom dies, some hot chicks at school tell her she's a witch, and she finds a dirty old book.
• Cassie's mom apparently made Heather Barnes in cryogenic state without actually being frozen. So Cassie and her new pseudo-BFF Faye brings her back to life, but after they left thinking the suck at magic and imagine that they're bonking Edward.
• Heather goes to Cassie's home, gets possessed by a demon, then wasted the best chase scene since that awful chase scene that should've not been called a chase scene in Matrix: Reloaded when Cassie overpowers her.
• Heather goes out of the house, and some car running at 200 km/h at a neighborhood road runs into her. She dies, but the demon lives on, and gets inside the body of Melissa. Wait who's Melissa? She's my first love, but I transferred schools... ah wait, she one of the hot witches.

And that's what you missed on The Secret Circle.
Melissa, with the demon insider her wakes up like she has a hangover. Nick, the guy whom she was sleeping with, asks her if she's dead. Seriously, the guy playing Nick must've read the script.

The day after Demon!Heather made Neo look like Ron Weasley (I will run out of magic references when this is over), Cassie's grandma just basically told Cassie to tell what the fuck she's being doing all this time. She can't be hanging out with the hot chicks on school, right?

Oooh! What's for breakfast? Pickles? Seriously Spencer from Pretty Little Liars has yummier food than this.

Melissa wanders around the school hallway as if she possessed the ring in the Lord of the Rings. She bumps into the principal (she's more evil than Gossip Girl's Miss Queller), so that's our quota of the kids bumping into the adults scene. Cassie bumps into Diana, thinking "hey, haven't I seen this girl at Miss Teen USA"?! Diana basically tells her "Don't tell your grandma about us!" At the principal office, Diana's dad so wishes he's making out with the principal (Faye's mom). But this is the CW, where only the teens make out, so we're denied of that scene.

Diana: "Our parents our dating!" (Squees like her dad.)
Faye: "Whatever." (Does the Chamberlain pout.)
Girl wearing the baby pink shirt: "YAY I'M ON TV!"

And at this point, the demon that possessed Demon!Heather possesses Melissa for good. Nick comes to the rescue and they undress themselves via magic, telling him that she knows where her family's Book of Shadows is. It's at the forest where they saw Alison DiLaurentis' body. Nick finds the treasure and they go to their secret hideaway.

Cassie is eating yummy dinner with grandma. At this juncture, Melissa texts everyone that they should watch their hands-free striptease. Cassie squees like a little girl as she goes to the secret hideaway. (BTW, we should assign a name to their secret hideaway. Like Area 51.)

Faye makes first to Area 51, then quickly gets bored. Cassie arrives too, making Faye's boredom turn into "what the heck is she doing here?" face And she thought to herself "Wasn't I a mermaid? Hey, I know that girl from the Vampire Diaries!" Melissa tells the gang that they'll need the full circle of 6 to make them open the case where the Book of Shadows is supposedly hidden. Cassie, obviously disappointed she can't watch the hands-free striptease, wishes she was watching Adam and Diana. Speaking of witch... I mean which...

Melissa: "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."
Faye: "DO ME!"
Melissa: "This is the CW, not ABC Family!"

Adam and Diana were on the verge of making Edward and Jacob look gayer than Alison and Emily while Emily was dreaming about how will things look like if she wasn't a lesbian. Until...

This is not what you think it is.

...Cassie called asking if she can watch them make out. The two of them go to Area 51 to make it a three-way with Cassie, but Adam was th.is close in making the RH Bill proponents fume with rage when that happened.

(This needs no caption.)

The two lovers in heat go to Area 51. There they find Melissa going bonkers since she can't make out with Faye. Like come on, can't we transfer this show to ABC Family?

"I was just doing the Chicken Dance."

Cassie had an idea, but there were so many strings attached, Faye gleefully counted the strings. While Faye was busy, Cassie used her magic powers, that included changing flat tires faster than the Minardi pit crew, to teleport to her grandma's home. Where she tried her best to emulate Faye "You're a witch" dialogue, only that it didn't work since she can't do the Australian accent.

Meanwhile, Dawn (Faye's mom the principal) and Charles (Diana's dad, aka Chuck Bass when he grows up), were doing some ceremony to get their powers back. But like Adam before them, they failed since the tawas (I mean the crystal) ran out of power.

Back at Area 51, Demon!Melissa kicked their powers, they had to be saved by Cassie's grandma. The circle wondered, hey isn't this Mr. Muggles' favorite grandma? She kicked demon ass, until the demon transferred to Nick. Demon!Nick went to town to cause more havoc. We then have our obligatory Cassie+Adam scene where they burn the Demon!Suitcase. We also had our obligatory Cassie bewbies scene! Two birds, one stone.

God, Cassie is so hot, even the demons won't die by burning.

Dawn, channeling her inner Faye, hangs out at the Boathouse, looking for young hotties. So Demon!Nick gets there telling her that it wants her body. Because, she's hot. Borrowing from cop shows, Dawn calls Charles without really speaking to him. He comes out of nowhere to sucker punch Demon!Nick. Dawn says "You can only kill a demon by burning it, so let's drown him!" The circle, with Mr. Muggle's favorite grandma, look for Demon!Nick, but by the time the Blakes get into him, he's dead.

The circle calls Faye, who was with Melissa at Area 51 making out off-cam to tell her what happened. She was so pissed off as she could've saved Nick, since she's a mermaid in a previous life. Charles expresses remorse for drowning Nick, Adam and Diana discuss the Obama jobs plan, and Cassie and grandma talk about the Republican primary.

Diana: "If I lost you I couldn't take it."
Adam: "You're not gonna lose me."
Diana: "Promise?"
Adam: ^_^
Chuck Bartowski: "Hey look, Morgan! It's Big Mike's fish!"

Cassie returns to her room, crying. Well not as much as crying as there was only one tear. Like seriously, who cries with one tear? Witches? She looks at the window to the house next door, at Nick's room. Let's remember, Nick was the first witch on the circle Cassie met.

Next, on the Secret Circle: