When Jenny went fishing

Remember when I said Jenny didn't want to be the Tracy McGrady of the five boroughs? Guess what, she joined Tracy McGrady on a fishing trip at the Hudson with Mommy Alison, who apparently has a second life as a NYC police officer. Back to Tracy McGrady, I've been readying up a tribute to the 2008 World Champions Boston Celtics so I still have to patch things up, not to mention I'm still in the state of perpetual shock on what happened. Like the Lakers were gang-raped at the garden. Which puts me back to Jenny... and Chuck who almost raped her.

Chuck was apparently at the Palace, probably snoozing with two chicks. Then someone drunk-dialed him. And it was oh-so-cute Blair telling him to stop by her pad so they can have make-up sex help somebody. Apparently, B also called Nate while he was cozying up with Vanessa from Brooklyn, who virtually invited him to a date to Rufus' concert. YES! Rufus the Classic has a concert. And Daddy seemed to notice Dan wasn't his usual witty Seth Cohen self... and sensing something is wrong with him and S. And Daddy said "DON'T BE SOOOO JUDGMENTAL!" Just so you wait Daddy, next episode... when Dan tells Serena he's the most understanding guy in the whole world.
Meanwhile Georgina was in her shades calling S for like 29A times in the middle of the street. If she was at Manila her side would have a faucet already, spilling red liquid. Since she can't find S, she goes to the Palace bringing coffee with her. Black coffee. Sweet. In a twist of fate, Dan was there too.

So when Dan saw Georgina, the brunette became Amy Jo Johnson and morphed (it's morphin' time!) into Sarah, with her matching shades-free eyes. And as writers would have it, some random guy using S's phone called Dan telling him that a "tall and blonde" chick left off with some hot guys. Dan became confused as anyone would be, so he goes to Lily's room who told Rolling Stone that he wasn't that in love with Rufus, she tells him that S might be a B's house. (Like come on Dan, you must be smart, you should know S must be there.)

Meanwhile, B came home with S, and spotted Nate and Chuck making out ignoring each other. So the 2 dudes carried S upstairs and Chuck went to the nearest sari-sari store to buy putok, pandesal's bigger brother. So when S was at the bathroom, B undressed her (OH! HELL! YES!) but you didn't really see anything; meanwhile Chuck was growing more horns than Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. B closed the door, S threw up, and N made out with C again. w00t.

Dan finally made it to the CW (Chez Waldorf) where NBC denied to death S was there, then told him S didn't want to see him. After the most manly scene of the episode where D's lips touched C's (ok, that didn't happen), S came to save the day. She told him she had wild sex with the two guys and D in his usual Judge Amy self left the building, teary eyed. Just as always, Sarah calls and tells him to meet up with her, to go to the Leaky Hawk concert! w00t!

So finally, S tells her sick story to NBC. So after a prerequisite "I'm Chuck Bass" line and confessions even a priest will cringe, S tells the trio what happened.

When Nate and Serena were having a dose of really hot, and I MEAN HOT sex, S felt guilty and ran away. In heels. Off to a waiting cab. To go to Eastview Hotel, which doesn't exist. There waits Georgina and Pete Wentz. G and P were trying to film an art film starring our very own Serena van der Woodsen, so when S arrived she turned the art film into a therapy session. G and P got bored so they brought out coke. No, not the coke we all drink. The other coke. Yes, that one.

We now see P and S at the heat (I'm hot. / Yes, you are hot. / No, I'm feeling hot.) of the moment. P undresses S, and we see S's hot naked body (if you close your eyes, you can use your imagination) with her playing tonsil hockey with Pete. #99 will be sooooo proud. But S tapped out and instead hands Pete the coke. Pete does the what is supposed to be done with the coke, freaks out, gets a seizure, and the next thing we know, S was calling 9-1-1 a la Savannah.

Savannah Serena stood outside the hotel, and saw Pete's rigor mortis'd body being carried by medics. Then she boarded a train and went to Stars Hollow where she studied the next semester at the Chilton Boarding School. There were reports she and Paris Geller had a relationship, to the displeasure of Rory Gilmore.

Meanwhile, Dorota (YES! DOROTA!) called the soon to be Mrs. Bass and told her that S is freaking out. It turns out just was S was narrating the story, Lily was watching the vid. But she stopped on the tonsil hockey part, since she was too envious since she won't be able to "play" with Bart. So when S and mommy met at the rehearsal dinner, she told her that she'll send her to reformatory school. Like maybe that ones that still exist. Then we see's Blake Lively's chest contracting and expanding when she was doing her heavy breathing routine. Cutie Blair just had to spoil the party.

At the other side of the East River, Sarah and Dan were having the time of their lives watching souped up 90s bands. Vanessa, growing impatient with her date finally receives a call from the man of the people, and he also tells her that Sarah is Georgina. So Vanessa releases her bitchy side not seen since the last episode she was on to Georgina/Sarah and Georgina/Sarah denies it like an evil little bitch that she is. Then, in a stroke of fate, just when V will spill the beans to D, some stupid guy can't find Rufus' setlist so V has to get it. So D instead makes out with V and she tells him some crazy story about ex-boyfriends and how evil the male race is, plus the fact she's falling for him. Dan is as confused as Lasallians on the first day of school so they go out just when daddy is about to perform. Meanwhile, Nate calls for backup since he doesn't know the ride the train subway. So NBC goes to Brooklyn.

The van der Woodsens go to Pete's house, and as every important scene, we don't see Pete's parents or how they reacted, we just learn about it when the blondes talk about it. Then, the vdWs goes to Brooklyn to see their first loves, the Humphreys. Too bad Eric's gay and Jenny's fishing.

In a twist of fate, the vdWs and NBC arrive one after the other, despite the fact that NBC left a lot earlier (at daylight) and the vdWs left Pete's at nightime. But it doesn't matter anymore since V can't find Georgina, and she'd rather cuddle up with Nate. Rufus was singing and Lily can't resist her horniness and makes the first move outside the venue where they make out a la Marissa and Ryan.

In the back alley, we see two brunettes making out a la Grey's Anatomy, in which tongues probe deep into one anothers's oral cavity. The longer-haired brunette called B (to pass it to S) telling him she'll be "doing" somebody that night. And apparently, S is right when she said Dan is too good. But, we all know that Dan really did that night. Lemme say it's not the conventional way of having sex, and that it also involves certain body parts probing one's oral cavities.