Our premier: ABS-CBN vs. Solar: Which is the better sports provider?
 | Dept. |  | Verdict |
| Jude Turcuatco | Top announcer | Boom Gonzales | Both announcers yell "Gets it to go!" And both are associated with violent and loud noises. But the original Kaboom wins over Boom, simply because Kaboom has more ooooomph. |
| Quinito Henson | Top analyst | Butch Maniego | Quinito Henson is greener than Willie Revilliame. Butch Maniego knows baby talk like I know raising kids. Quinito wins. |
| PBA on C/S9 | Flagship local program | UAAP on Studio 23 | Contrary to popular belief, the PBA is still more popular than the UAAP, at least nationwide. It just appears the UAAP is more popular since people are required or even feel they have to attend the games. PBA fans do not necessarily have to shell out cash to support their teams. |
| PBL on IBC | #2 flagship program | NCAA on Studio 23 | Lets face it, the PBL is the tune-up games for both the UAAP and the NCAA. ABS-CBN wins. |
| NBA | Flagship foreign program | UFC | Guess what, Balls' flagship program has no relation to balls. If you touch the balls, you're DQed. Solar is on a roll here. |
| C/S9 | Main channel | Studio 23 | Once Solar got "24" and Jack Bauer from Studio 23, it's all over. |
| 7-1-1, 2 KOs | Manny Pacquiao bouts | 3-0-0, 2 KOs | Pac-Man is undefeated at ABS-CBN. Kapamilya wins this round. |
| The Olympic Channel | Slogan | We Got Them. | Yeah, we got LPGA? Tour de France? NBA FTW. |
| Sev Sarmienta | Best over-the-bakod | None | The fact that I don't know anyone from Solar going to ABS-CBN means something. |
| House of Hoops | Local talk show | Hardball | Hit strong, hit hard as we play... Hardball wins. Only because of Boyet Sison. No one from Solar can hold a candle next to him. Not even Bobby Yan. |
| Patricia Bermudez-Hizon | Female broadcaster | Gretchen Fullido | Patricia is married, and I don't want an Atenean to beat me up, plus like no one can beat Gretchen and her puppies! |
| WWE (Jack TV) | Best program on men-oriented channel | Attack of the Show! (Maxxx) | Olivia Munn must win this. |
| Gossip Girl (ETC) | Best program on women-oriented channel | The L Word (Velvet) | I gotta give one for the LGBT people. |
| 24 | Best program on free TV | CSI: Crime Scene Investigation | 24 has 6 Emmys vs. CSI's 4. And who will win in a deathmatch between Jack and Grissom? |
| 8 | Result | 6 | If I haven't introduced the latter three totally unrelated departments, Solar Sports' lead would've been wider. |
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