Hey LeBron, didn’t Bedans invent “Dynas-Three”?

Back in 2008, when Bedans are about to whore themselves into a third consecutive championship thanks to Sam Ekwe, the Nigerian nobody in the (Philippine) NCAA can guard, they invented slogans to celebrate their whoredom.
Hey, if your college program is that crappy, why not fetch a behemoth out of Nigeria, tell the world that he is studying to become a priest, and don him in a basketball jersey?

In 2006, they “Ended 28 at 82”, or ended 28 years of futility in the 82nd year (NOT season) of the NCAA. In 2007, I forgot what they were up to, (Letranites had “Relive ’83 @ 83”, or relive their 1983 NCAA championship in the 83rd year of the NCAA), but in 2009, Bedans had “Dynas-three.” Apparently, they were smart enough to know that in order to be a legit dynasty, you’d have to win three consecutive times. (Sorry Spurs fans, that San Antonio team, although impressive, was not a dynasty.)

Enough of that Bedan rant, rest assured, they probably won those three titles following league rules, you gotta hand it to them. So now, when I watched LeBron’s introduction ceremony to the Miami Heat, and the announcer guy (certainly an improvement over the Cavs PA; remember that game where the Q Arena’s shot clock got effed up?) said they’re now the Dynas-Three. ZOMG. Unless you live in an alternate universe, the Miami Heat has NEVER won an NBA title when it was 5 vs. 5 on the court; when it was 8 vs. 5, sure that was one championship having a cute little asterisk like the ball Barry Bonds blasted against the Washington Nationals to break the home run record. But even Bedans will tell you, with law books in tow that Miami was, and is not a dynasty.

You’re probably asking me how the heck San Beda College and alternate universes got into the picture; you’re here to ask why the hell LeBron went to that rinky-dink town. Let’s see who LeBron won’t be after this move:

He won’t be like Michael Jordan (first two incarnations), Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Julius Erving, currently Kobe Bryant and the great Isiah Thomas: players who played in one team and won championships with them. Those championships increased the mythic status of those players.

He won’t be like Reggie Miller, John Stockton, formerly Paul Pierce, and currently Dirk Nowitzki: great players who never won but achieved mythic status not only for their great play but loyalty on a single team. Miller and Stockton were more tragic: they stayed on small-market teams but led those teams to the Finals, only to fail.

He won’t be like Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Walton, and Robert Horry: won championships with two different teams. They may not be as mythic in their “home” teams but as are as impressive as the two previous examples.

He won’t be like Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett, Gary Payton, and Jun Limpot (HAHA): the chip whores. Those who won ditched loyalty to win the championship in the near-twilight of their careers for the sole reason that they absolutely, really, have to win one to cement their legacy.

He won’t be like Clyde Drexler, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, Shawn Kemp and Patrick Ewing: those who switched teams but failed. They did it past their prime, and like the earlier group, they had to end their careers with at least one title, but it ended in futility.

Heck, he won’t be like Shaquille O’Neal who ditched the Magic after like a couple of seasons to play with the Lakers.

Instead, LeBron will be in a class of his own: the player who ditched loyalty, who ditched “I’m only 25, I can still do this by my own” mantra. He is now the modern-day Scottie Pippen, only that he’d be paid more. He’s now the Robin to Miami’s Batman: Tim Donaghy, er… David Stern… oh eff that, Dwayne Wade. He could’ve joined the Nets or Knicks and proclaim that it is his team. Yet he tapped out, like the guy on the Brock Lesnar UFC fight not named Brock Lesnar. He has emasculated himself. Hey, if you’re game is that crappy, why not hitch on someone else’s coattails?

And oh, the San Beda Red Lions 2010 slogan is “REDemption”, hey at least it’s not “Redeem Team”. We all know where that came from.