Opening Day is here and it's time for the first installment of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. The premise is self-explanatory. Each game day, I'd bring the good, the bad and the ugly things that happened in the day's games.
The Good:
The muses: Like come on, you should've seen how the JRU muse... uh... "bounced" around. I meant that in a good way.
Letran defense: If you want hardcore, macho hoops, watch the NCAA games. Players get bruised, bloodied just by breathing the air on the court.
Calvin Abueva's efficiency: Whatever the reason, the Beast stayed for only a few minutes on court. However, Abueva, for every minute that he is in, has at least a point. That's efficiency.
San Beda's fastbreak: The secret for San Beda's success relies on their bigs: they get the rebound, that leads to a fastbreak that often results in two points.
The bad:
JRU offense: Just as how good San Beda's offense is, is just how bad JRU's offense during the game. It's prehistoric: dump the ball on Joe Etame and pray to the gods something happens.
The referees: Especially in the first game, the referees called on every foul in the books. Let the children play, so to speak. This is not the NBA where David Stern needs Dwayne Wade or LeBron James to make money.
Studio 23 lighting: People in the internets complained of really bad reception. I thought the reception was too bright, which I liked since I had bad eyesight. Is this where the money went for those HDTV equipments? (Yeah, I know, Studio 23's broadcast was in SDTV. Just saying.)
The ugly:
Papa Boyet and the San Sebastian president: God bless the good priest, but that interview made Ron Artest cry.
Aloy Taplah wants to be Tony Romo: Hey kid, this is not the NFL where you'd perform a forward pass in each and every position! Watch some rugby union games, for a change!
The Stag who wanted to be Jacob: As someone in PinoyExchange pointed out, if it weren't for the antlers we would've thought that the guy was wearing a wolf costume. Maybe he wanted to be Jacob. San Sebastian Team Jacobs squeeeeeeeeeeee.
Showing posts with label Edward Heart Bella Squee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Edward Heart Bella Squee. Show all posts
June 26, 2010
January 17, 2010
2009 yearender: Top 10 local sports stories
Local sports had their own fair share of shining moments this year: epic (I love that word) upsets, dominating performances, comebacks deserving of a Guinness, and sheer stupidity worth watching a YouTube over and over again.
#10: Lady Archers are the volley queens
Thanks to the Shakey's V-League, everyone now cares about the UAAP's women's volleyball championship. La Salle dispatched Adamson in 4 sets (the last set with a scoreline of 25-13), and FEU returned the favor with a dissimilar 4-set win over UST. MVP Manilla Santos and Rookie of the Year Melissa Gohing faced off with best setter May Morada, all-around dependable girl Rachel Anne Daquis, and upcoming star Cherry Vivas. Game 1 went the distance with FEU winning. But La Salle came out with a dominating performance in Game 2 to force a winner-take-all Game 3. Inside an overflowing and newly-renamed Filoil Flying V Arena, the Lady Archers outlasted the Lady Tamaraws, who had to play with Daquis riding the bench to hand La Salle their fifth women's volley title.
#9: Seventh heaven for Pac-Man
Manny Pacquiao ended the 2009 leg of his "North American tour" with an 11th round knockout of Miguel Cotto of Puerto Rico. Cotto wasn't even punching in the latter stages of the fight, and Kenny Bayless took pity on the Puerto Rican. Twitter even had a "#cottosface" hash tag to celebrate the momentous event. Even Cotto's mom wouldn't like #cottosface.
#8: Uber epic Green fail
Ah, the usual palusots of people: many veterans left so we have a crappy team. That argument only holds water if there are no replacements, or "rookies" (for some reason, I don't like using that word in an amateur, or in this case, collegiate, context. Use freshmen, sophomore and the like instead.) that came in. And with DLSU's awesome recruiting capabilities, even PBA teams would turn green with envy, you can't count out DLSU in any season. But alas, one of their recruits came back to the loving arms of his father (pardon the pun), and while the remaining recruits weren't bad (in fact they were, as expected, impressive), the vets who remained had such crappy performances supporters were wondering what Franz Pumaren was thinking when he placed those "vets" in pivotal minutes. And with the last game vs. NU where DLSU could've
forged a playoff vs. UST and/or Adamson for the last playoff berth, the Green Archers proved to everyone that they were not worthy of a playoff spot. At least for this year.
#7: Bella Swan would proud of the Tigresses
The Tigresses made the Shakey's V-League their playground by sweeping all two championships given by the league. UST won the 1st conference on 3 sets, with the 2 winning sets via a 3 sets to none scoreline, beating the San Sebastian Lady Stags. On the 2nd conference, the Tigresses didn't give the Lady Falcons a chance, sweeping the series 2-0 on identical 3-1 scores. Rhea Dimaculangan, Mary Jean Balse and Aiza Maizo made UST an unstoppable force in the V-League, now with the leagie-high 5 championships.
#6: MVP for the Ages
PLDT head honcho Manny V. Pangilinan, which also makes him team owner of the Talk 'N Text PBA team, had a banner year in sports, with the only disappointment coming from the Red and White school near the Palace. In the PBA, the Tropang Texters, relied on, ironically a Lasallian, Mark Cardona to carry the cudgels for the team. Cardona had a monster semifinal series against San Miguel, in which he capped off a three-pointer to seal the deal, and the defensive rebound as insurance to put the Texters in the Finals. Facing the Aces, which lead 3-2, Cardona scored game high on points for the rest of the way to avenge the then Phone Pals' loss against the Aces in the 2007 Fiesta Conference. Cardona's exploits gave him his first pro Finals MVP award.
#5: Sheer Blue dominance
If this Ateneo team failed to win it all this year, it would've been the epic disappointment of the decade, the epic upset for the team that would've done the feat, and MVP, in the words of the immortal Green (Over)Mind, MVP would've plucked Pat Riley out of retirement to coach Ateneo next season. What did the Blue Eagles is probably the most formidable starting line-up in the latter half of the decade: Al-Hussaini, Baclao, Buenafe, Reyes and Tiu, plus sixth man Salamat, who'd be a starter in any other collegiate team in the country.
#4: The return of the Beermen
Like Ateneo, San Miguel is a team built to win championships. However, with the fickle nature of the PBA playoffs (virtually ALL teams participate, leading to upsets), San Miguel has won only once in the two-conference era, despite finishing within the top three after the elimination round in five occasions. However, they did finish #1 in the 2009 Fiesta Conference, and had a relatively easy semifinal series against the Burger King Whoppers, coached by old adversary Yeng Guiao. Facing sister team Barangay Ginebra, and I won't imply cooking happened, the Beermen showed that their latest championship was a well-deserved one, winning the last two games being behind 2-3 in the series, and the seventh game was a dominating performance, even Ginebra fans stayed for the awarding ceremonies.
#3: Bata and Django weave their magic
The World Cup of Pool arrives at Asia, and the Philippines has been a constant host of WPA events. Pinoys flocked to cheer to their two teams, Philippines "A" of Ronnie Alcano and Dennis Orcollo, and Philippines "B" of Efren Bata Reyes and Django Bustamante. In the end, only one Philippine team remained, and Bata and Django summed it up: they weren't playing for themselves, they played for the country. And they won to the delight of the fans who stayed late at night to watch the final.
#2: The fall of the team from the West Coast
What do Sudan Daniel, Rome dela Rosa, and Ginno Soliman have in common, aside from playing for San Beda? They all came from the city of Angels -- no, not Angeles City, but from Los Angeles, California. The home of the Lakers and Kobe. And they fell to the Central Luzon Combine called the San Sebastian Golden Stags, and a Canadian by the name of Jonathan Semira.
#1: Pac-Man demolishes a white dude
There's something about white guys and boxing. The Klitschko brothers are the only white boxers that had been universally recognized as heavyweight champions since God knows when. In the lower divisions, Hispanics, Blacks and Asians dominate the field. Americans had fared badly -- white Americans have been searching for the "Great White Hope." The Brits produced one, by the name of Ricky Hatton. And knowing the rowdy nature of British fans, Hatton acquired a massive fanbase. And with Pinoys not left behind, they all rallied behind the country's "National Fist". Americans were reduced to mere spectators as two foreigners slugged it out in boxing's capital -- Las Vegas. Too bad the preview shows on HBO were longer -- the fight lasted a mere 6 minutes in boxing time.
#10: Lady Archers are the volley queens
Thanks to the Shakey's V-League, everyone now cares about the UAAP's women's volleyball championship. La Salle dispatched Adamson in 4 sets (the last set with a scoreline of 25-13), and FEU returned the favor with a dissimilar 4-set win over UST. MVP Manilla Santos and Rookie of the Year Melissa Gohing faced off with best setter May Morada, all-around dependable girl Rachel Anne Daquis, and upcoming star Cherry Vivas. Game 1 went the distance with FEU winning. But La Salle came out with a dominating performance in Game 2 to force a winner-take-all Game 3. Inside an overflowing and newly-renamed Filoil Flying V Arena, the Lady Archers outlasted the Lady Tamaraws, who had to play with Daquis riding the bench to hand La Salle their fifth women's volley title.
#9: Seventh heaven for Pac-Man
Manny Pacquiao ended the 2009 leg of his "North American tour" with an 11th round knockout of Miguel Cotto of Puerto Rico. Cotto wasn't even punching in the latter stages of the fight, and Kenny Bayless took pity on the Puerto Rican. Twitter even had a "#cottosface" hash tag to celebrate the momentous event. Even Cotto's mom wouldn't like #cottosface.
#8: Uber epic Green fail
Ah, the usual palusots of people: many veterans left so we have a crappy team. That argument only holds water if there are no replacements, or "rookies" (for some reason, I don't like using that word in an amateur, or in this case, collegiate, context. Use freshmen, sophomore and the like instead.) that came in. And with DLSU's awesome recruiting capabilities, even PBA teams would turn green with envy, you can't count out DLSU in any season. But alas, one of their recruits came back to the loving arms of his father (pardon the pun), and while the remaining recruits weren't bad (in fact they were, as expected, impressive), the vets who remained had such crappy performances supporters were wondering what Franz Pumaren was thinking when he placed those "vets" in pivotal minutes. And with the last game vs. NU where DLSU could've
forged a playoff vs. UST and/or Adamson for the last playoff berth, the Green Archers proved to everyone that they were not worthy of a playoff spot. At least for this year.
#7: Bella Swan would proud of the Tigresses
The Tigresses made the Shakey's V-League their playground by sweeping all two championships given by the league. UST won the 1st conference on 3 sets, with the 2 winning sets via a 3 sets to none scoreline, beating the San Sebastian Lady Stags. On the 2nd conference, the Tigresses didn't give the Lady Falcons a chance, sweeping the series 2-0 on identical 3-1 scores. Rhea Dimaculangan, Mary Jean Balse and Aiza Maizo made UST an unstoppable force in the V-League, now with the leagie-high 5 championships.
#6: MVP for the Ages
PLDT head honcho Manny V. Pangilinan, which also makes him team owner of the Talk 'N Text PBA team, had a banner year in sports, with the only disappointment coming from the Red and White school near the Palace. In the PBA, the Tropang Texters, relied on, ironically a Lasallian, Mark Cardona to carry the cudgels for the team. Cardona had a monster semifinal series against San Miguel, in which he capped off a three-pointer to seal the deal, and the defensive rebound as insurance to put the Texters in the Finals. Facing the Aces, which lead 3-2, Cardona scored game high on points for the rest of the way to avenge the then Phone Pals' loss against the Aces in the 2007 Fiesta Conference. Cardona's exploits gave him his first pro Finals MVP award.
#5: Sheer Blue dominance
If this Ateneo team failed to win it all this year, it would've been the epic disappointment of the decade, the epic upset for the team that would've done the feat, and MVP, in the words of the immortal Green (Over)Mind, MVP would've plucked Pat Riley out of retirement to coach Ateneo next season. What did the Blue Eagles is probably the most formidable starting line-up in the latter half of the decade: Al-Hussaini, Baclao, Buenafe, Reyes and Tiu, plus sixth man Salamat, who'd be a starter in any other collegiate team in the country.
#4: The return of the Beermen
Like Ateneo, San Miguel is a team built to win championships. However, with the fickle nature of the PBA playoffs (virtually ALL teams participate, leading to upsets), San Miguel has won only once in the two-conference era, despite finishing within the top three after the elimination round in five occasions. However, they did finish #1 in the 2009 Fiesta Conference, and had a relatively easy semifinal series against the Burger King Whoppers, coached by old adversary Yeng Guiao. Facing sister team Barangay Ginebra, and I won't imply cooking happened, the Beermen showed that their latest championship was a well-deserved one, winning the last two games being behind 2-3 in the series, and the seventh game was a dominating performance, even Ginebra fans stayed for the awarding ceremonies.
#3: Bata and Django weave their magic
The World Cup of Pool arrives at Asia, and the Philippines has been a constant host of WPA events. Pinoys flocked to cheer to their two teams, Philippines "A" of Ronnie Alcano and Dennis Orcollo, and Philippines "B" of Efren Bata Reyes and Django Bustamante. In the end, only one Philippine team remained, and Bata and Django summed it up: they weren't playing for themselves, they played for the country. And they won to the delight of the fans who stayed late at night to watch the final.
#2: The fall of the team from the West Coast
What do Sudan Daniel, Rome dela Rosa, and Ginno Soliman have in common, aside from playing for San Beda? They all came from the city of Angels -- no, not Angeles City, but from Los Angeles, California. The home of the Lakers and Kobe. And they fell to the Central Luzon Combine called the San Sebastian Golden Stags, and a Canadian by the name of Jonathan Semira.
#1: Pac-Man demolishes a white dude
There's something about white guys and boxing. The Klitschko brothers are the only white boxers that had been universally recognized as heavyweight champions since God knows when. In the lower divisions, Hispanics, Blacks and Asians dominate the field. Americans had fared badly -- white Americans have been searching for the "Great White Hope." The Brits produced one, by the name of Ricky Hatton. And knowing the rowdy nature of British fans, Hatton acquired a massive fanbase. And with Pinoys not left behind, they all rallied behind the country's "National Fist". Americans were reduced to mere spectators as two foreigners slugged it out in boxing's capital -- Las Vegas. Too bad the preview shows on HBO were longer -- the fight lasted a mere 6 minutes in boxing time.
April 16, 2009
The craziest thread titles in PinoyExchange's IMTV forum
The ten threads you should be flocking to. Not the crazy NBA forum, or to the Hoops forums nobody cares about. But those LMTV threads sure take the cake (see #3).
Note: Only includes threads with replies within the last month, excluding continuation threads (too many fangirls squeeing/fanboys drooling) and off-topic threads (Be like Prince William: Learn Swahili in three days!). That's just like 356 threads of corniness.
10. •BreakingDawn•-"I love you""I wispered"'You are in my life now"~zone1
You should realize that I have to include a Twilight related thread here.
9. AI8 | ADAM LAMBERT | Blood of A True Rockstar!
Hey, if Miley Cyrus can be a rockstar, why can't this AI8 contestant be one too?
8. ms. Jennifer Aniston - America's Sweetheart thread IV
I thought prefixing "Miss" to an actress's name only applies in the Philippines. Like Ms. Vilma Santos, Ms. Judy Ann Santos, heck Ms. Kris Aquino.
7. ASHLEY TISDALE LIKES HER SELF ♥ thread 1 [ashleytics]
Didn't realize the Tiz was such a narcissist.
6. The Adorkable Anoop Desai [Home of the Desai'ples Thread II]
The thread is not about dorks, or pies, but is about AI8's Anoop. The UNC fanboy.
5. =Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens= ♥♥ZaNessa Love♥♥ HSM Sweeties- Just Wanna Be With You
This reminds me of two songs: "It's Gonna Be Me" and "I Wanna Be With You". Well, another Mandy Moore song but I won't say lest I get to be labeled as a Mandy fanboy. Heh.
4. Cook | Archuleta LIVE in the Philippines!
OhMyGosh, I'm not spending my lunch money for this!
3. Korean/JPN/TW Film/TV Etc. 6 - Home of D' Ulzzangs, Asian Idols, Boylets & Pedokrases
I am assuming this thread is about Asian telenovelas. Or something like that. Must be the few places the LMTV peeps hang out at the IMTV forum. (Full disclosure: I didn't include other Asianovela threads since they'll take the cake, see below).
2. American Idol 8's KRATT: It Is The New CAKE!!!
If you thought only fanboys had lesbian fantasies of girls doing it, you are terribly mistaken.
1. •Nessasters: Vanessa Hudgens • A Wish Upon A star • zone 01•
Yes, dad. Vanessa Hudgens fans call themselves "Nessasters." It's like disasters but hairier. And with less Zac Efron.
Note: Only includes threads with replies within the last month, excluding continuation threads (too many fangirls squeeing/fanboys drooling) and off-topic threads (Be like Prince William: Learn Swahili in three days!). That's just like 356 threads of corniness.
10. •BreakingDawn•-"I love you""I wispered"'You are in my life now"~zone1
You should realize that I have to include a Twilight related thread here.
9. AI8 | ADAM LAMBERT | Blood of A True Rockstar!
Hey, if Miley Cyrus can be a rockstar, why can't this AI8 contestant be one too?
8. ms. Jennifer Aniston - America's Sweetheart thread IV
I thought prefixing "Miss" to an actress's name only applies in the Philippines. Like Ms. Vilma Santos, Ms. Judy Ann Santos, heck Ms. Kris Aquino.
7. ASHLEY TISDALE LIKES HER SELF ♥ thread 1 [ashleytics]
Didn't realize the Tiz was such a narcissist.
6. The Adorkable Anoop Desai [Home of the Desai'ples Thread II]
The thread is not about dorks, or pies, but is about AI8's Anoop. The UNC fanboy.
5. =Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens= ♥♥ZaNessa Love♥♥ HSM Sweeties- Just Wanna Be With You
This reminds me of two songs: "It's Gonna Be Me" and "I Wanna Be With You". Well, another Mandy Moore song but I won't say lest I get to be labeled as a Mandy fanboy. Heh.
4. Cook | Archuleta LIVE in the Philippines!
OhMyGosh, I'm not spending my lunch money for this!
3. Korean/JPN/TW Film/TV Etc. 6 - Home of D' Ulzzangs, Asian Idols, Boylets & Pedokrases
I am assuming this thread is about Asian telenovelas. Or something like that. Must be the few places the LMTV peeps hang out at the IMTV forum. (Full disclosure: I didn't include other Asianovela threads since they'll take the cake, see below).
2. American Idol 8's KRATT: It Is The New CAKE!!!
If you thought only fanboys had lesbian fantasies of girls doing it, you are terribly mistaken.
1. •Nessasters: Vanessa Hudgens • A Wish Upon A star • zone 01•
Yes, dad. Vanessa Hudgens fans call themselves "Nessasters." It's like disasters but hairier. And with less Zac Efron.
January 4, 2009
One final look at Takipsilim
Goodbye Takipsilim. We'd miss you.
Really.
Image is a Google cache of the deleted ABS-CBNNews.com webpage.
December 27, 2008
Takipsilim, December 23, 2008–December 27, 2008
RIP Takipsilim. You will be missed.
Artworks, poetry, words of wisdom and other works inspired by Takipsilim are welcome.
(HA! What else were you expecting after the jump?)
Takipsilim PinoyExchange thread, conyo version
Takipsilim PinoyExchange thread, non-conyo version
December 24, 2008
Pinoy Twilight: "Takipsilim"
According to the ever reliable Perez Hilton, ABS-CBN recently bought the rights of "Twilight" (now confirmed! See this.) and is fast-tracking production, since, you know, they want to beat the Richard-KC movie to the punch come Valentine's Day.
(Before you get confused if you're even reading the same blog, yes this is the same blog, and since its Christmas, it's the season for bashing so lets carry on!)
It reportedly stars Rayver Cruz as Edward Cullen, and Vina Morales' sis (her name is too hard to spell) as Bella Swan. The blogosphere is rife with opposition even to the idea of such being thought of, and it was only a matter of time before we see Makisig Morales as Harry Potter, and Sarah Geromino as Narnia's Princess Susan.
But before you even yap about the Filipino movie industry's lack of originality, have you ever thought that Hollywood is also losing ideas ever since they made James Bond a movie star? Bond, Mickey Mouse, Superman, Jamie Sullivan & Landon Carter, The Lord of the Rings, heck, even Die Hard 4.0 and Dancing with the Stars were all adaptations of prior works. Heck, even the Oscars gives an award for unoriginality.
But what makes this more appalling, is not on the perceived inability of the leads to even resemble how Kristen Stewart's face twitches everytime she speaks, or Robert Pattinson's character's supposedly hairless chest (on which I will get into later), but on how the local movie industry has ignored the local publishing industry on the gems that exist right in the sidewalks of Espana Boulevard -- yes, those dirty and little Tagalog pocketbooks! Why won't they make movie versions of those? Everyone wants to see Vhong Navarro as Tong in Bob Ong's "Ang Alamat ng Gubat", with a cameo from Marian Rivera as the cute mermaid.
So to remedy this, is to ditch Rayver and Shaina, and replace them with the hallmarks of contemporary Filipino acting:
Set in the rainy town of Gigmoto, Catanduanes, and Edward's shiny Volvo will become his shiny FX taxi. And 6cyclemind will sing the theme song. I still have to figure out what is the Tagalog for "Decode", though.
Jose Nepomuceno would have never thought Filipino cinema would have achieved this much 90 years after he made "Dalagang Bukid". He should be very proud.
(Before you get confused if you're even reading the same blog, yes this is the same blog, and since its Christmas, it's the season for bashing so lets carry on!)
It reportedly stars Rayver Cruz as Edward Cullen, and Vina Morales' sis (her name is too hard to spell) as Bella Swan. The blogosphere is rife with opposition even to the idea of such being thought of, and it was only a matter of time before we see Makisig Morales as Harry Potter, and Sarah Geromino as Narnia's Princess Susan.
But before you even yap about the Filipino movie industry's lack of originality, have you ever thought that Hollywood is also losing ideas ever since they made James Bond a movie star? Bond, Mickey Mouse, Superman, Jamie Sullivan & Landon Carter, The Lord of the Rings, heck, even Die Hard 4.0 and Dancing with the Stars were all adaptations of prior works. Heck, even the Oscars gives an award for unoriginality.
But what makes this more appalling, is not on the perceived inability of the leads to even resemble how Kristen Stewart's face twitches everytime she speaks, or Robert Pattinson's character's supposedly hairless chest (on which I will get into later), but on how the local movie industry has ignored the local publishing industry on the gems that exist right in the sidewalks of Espana Boulevard -- yes, those dirty and little Tagalog pocketbooks! Why won't they make movie versions of those? Everyone wants to see Vhong Navarro as Tong in Bob Ong's "Ang Alamat ng Gubat", with a cameo from Marian Rivera as the cute mermaid.
So to remedy this, is to ditch Rayver and Shaina, and replace them with the hallmarks of contemporary Filipino acting:
- Sam Milby as Maria Isabela Suyat
- Piolo Pascual as Eduardo Culala
- Pokwang as Jacob del Negro
- Chokoleit as Rosario Halili
Set in the rainy town of Gigmoto, Catanduanes, and Edward's shiny Volvo will become his shiny FX taxi. And 6cyclemind will sing the theme song. I still have to figure out what is the Tagalog for "Decode", though.
Jose Nepomuceno would have never thought Filipino cinema would have achieved this much 90 years after he made "Dalagang Bukid". He should be very proud.
November 16, 2008
Breaking Dan, or the night Bella watched KSTW-11
Dear Mom,After you called me a dozen times last night after the freak accident with my truck on the snow and you still haven't let up in asking me, I thought of sending you an email to again tell you that I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I know, I'm that hot, so I'm soooooo fine. And pale too. Perfect for a pale town of Forks.
By the way, I was watching KSTW-11* (the local CW affiliate here in Washington), and I know you'd rather watch old women go ga-ga with gardeners on that ABC show, I'd rather watch the kiddie version since, hey like I'm a teen. In a boring town called Forks what else would you do?
The show I'm referring to is "Gossip Girl," where girls gossip silently and boys gossip loudly, AND send tips to Gossip Girl herself.
We see the dad (Rufus, much hotter than Char... dad) asking his son Dan (much hotter than Mike, the kid who has been stalking me at school) to rescind (our English teacher is very gooooood) his decision on using his story about Chuck (that sleazy guy, but Edward is sleazier. And paler than me.) but Dan is hell-bent on doing it since he's a crappy writer. Not unlike Stephanie Meyer. I heard she's fantastic. Better than Cecily von Ziegesar. The point is Dan is using Chuck! Nooooooooo. I'd so do it with Chuck, but Dan is so judgmental! You'd see later.
By the way, the protagonists of this show aren't Dan and Chuck, but Serena and Blair. Serena is hot and blonde, while Blair is cute and brunette. And Blair's turning 18 (oh no! I wouldn't want to turn 18 in this rainy town!) and she's gloating about her mom's new BF. I heard he's hotter than the gardener guy or that Scofield guy or the McDreamy guy. Well until Blair saw him. Serena herself was gloating about his new boy toy Aaron, who has hair worse than my classmate Eric.
Dan actually has younger sister Jenny, but she literally moved out after she had a disagreement with Rufus over her "career". Yes mom, 15 year olds in New York (that's where this is set) have careers. She and her pal Agnes (if you watched The O.C. she was the ugly blonde's younger sister) are looking for venture capitalists to invest in their new fashion firm but Agnes always screws up and Jenny's big eyes grows bigger when they fight on the streets of Manhattan.
Blair herself was admonishing their maid Dorota that she used some crappy silverware and when she saw her mom's new BF. He's the same guy on "The L Word" (I know for a fact that you watch that, Mom. Don't ask on how I knew) named William. So you can imagine the horror of Blair upon seeing him! It's like when Phil's team loses by a score of 10-0. Dorota herself was grinning. LOL.
Since we're into sports, Chuck treats his unappreciative dad Bart with a season pass to Rangers games. Mom, not Texas Rangers games, New York Rangers games. You know, hockey. No wonder Bart didn't accept. Dan himself met one of New York mag's editors (They have awesome episode recaps of this show) where the mag wants Dan, yes teenager Dan, to write a story about Bart. Like some crazy story. I should be really be back at Phoenix where I can be like the head cheerleader of the Cardinals. If only I can move some muscles my PE classmates would love me. Well of course Dan the ass that he is obliges.
Serena was at Times Square, you know the area of New York where they once held TRL. I think you watched that show when Carson Daly was the host, before it got crappy with all of the Fred Durst guestings. Anyhow, Serena saw herself on one of the electronic billboards (which doesn't exist in this rain-infested part of the world). Apparently it was Aaron's idea and Serena was too giddy as Aaron played tonsil hockey with her. Yay. And like the kissing scene was like one of those Korean telenovelas where one scene was replayed with different camera angles.
Of course Blair was suspicious about this Aaron guy because Blair hates men not named Chuck Bass. And Blair wanted to talk Serena about her mom's BF Cyrus. But Serena is so smitten with this Aaron guy she leaves Blair effed up with Cyrus.
So Dan met up with Bart and they bonded like true father and son that Bart invited Dan to a hockey game! Like Bart actually watches hockey! Well baseball season is over, and I read that the Knicks suck and their football teams play at the marshes so New Yorkers really have no choice. But Chuck comes charging right in and is flabbergasted (see I told ya my English teacher is great!) seeing Bart asking Dan for a date.
Jenny was getting impatient with Agnes since she can't find a venture capitalist to invest in their "firm" but Agnes was too wasted with partying. If only Forks had a nightspot! And I'm not talking about the spot where all the cool kids hang out under the trees. Jenny took matters upon her own hands and she made business alone. But there's one hitch about Jenny's business: she's a minor so she needs parents' consent first before she can conduct business with some creepy dude. But considering her relationship with Rufus...
Blair herself would take matters upon her own hands when Cyrus bashed Cyndi Lauper, ok he didn't bash her but it made Blair upset that Eleanor chose him over her birthday. Serena herself was acting all musey for that douche Aaron up until one of his muses, er girls arrives for "business." And you know what made Serena upset? The girl wanted to drink hot coffee! The coffee she brought for Aaron! That Aaron when I see him I'd drive a wooden stake right through his heart. And to think judgmental Dan was better. Yes mom, they were formerly boyfriend/girlfriend, and Dan gave his "first" on Christmas Eve. Isn't that sweet?
Speaking of Dan, some random guy apparently heard that he was digging up Bart's dirt so he gave him a shovel: some shiny dirt every reporter would want. Dan was all giddy (like ex-girlfriend, like ex-boyfriend), and Dan got the dish pretty easily. Rufus doesn't like it and asks Dan to drop it.
If there's one thing Blair's good at, it's digging up dirt. So she also finds dirt about Cyrus from Cyrus himself! It's like while in Vietnam (I wonder how he got into the army with that body), he fell in love with a hot Vietnamese girl while he was married. When he and his wife divorced, he found out that the girl died when the Americans swept through their village looking for a McDonald's outlet. And apparently Blair's mom doesn't like cheaters so Blair got the dirt! Yay! And Serena? She's on the verge of ditching Aaron. Yay again!
Blair's mom got the dirt and she's devastated. And Agnes did her own little Blair scheming when she found out that Jenny made business with that creepy dude without her knowing it.
I don't know, mom, but do these people never go to school? It seems that they have parties every week, and for this week, it was Blair's 18th birthday party. Serena and her pals were talking about Aaron and how Blair is right. And Blair came rolling along and they talk some more.
Mom, the episode title is "Bonfire on the Vanity" and apparently the bonfire lights up when Agnes burns all of Jenny's clothes on a trash can, WITH JENNY NOT DOING ANYTHING. Jenny didn't grab her clothes, or anything or even Agnes. She just yelled and cried and left with a whimper. Like who does that? The writers could've done the tried and tested formula of two people fighting over a loaded gun, only in this case they were grabbing a lighter.
And oh, did I tell you that Agnes lit up the "bonfire" with a matchstick? And the clothes made a little spark a few seconds after Agnes threw the match? It was stupid really. And Jenny looked like the Masked Rider with all of her eyeshadow.
Back in Blair's party, Cyrus and Serena finally met up, and Cyrus told her on how Aaron was so smitten about her. It turns out Aaron the bad hair-do guy and Cyrus the definitely not hot dad are son and father! And right after Serena leaves to happily find Aaron, Blair's mom comes and drops the bomb. Poor Cyrus. He was busted by Blair's mom and he has a douche-y son.
Not until Cyndi Lauper came along! Yes mom, the Cyndi Lauper! And Blair felt bad on what she did and she found Cyrus on the sidewalk and Blair can't outsmart a lawyer. She can outsmart Chuck, her classmates, her teachers and a duchess, but she can't outsmart a lawyer. They're too conniving, even for Blair. Heck even Jenny outsmarted the police. I wonder if she can outsmart dad.
Dan is confronting Bart about the dirt that the money he used to jumpstart his company came from the insurance on the building he intentionally burned down when my Chuck came to his dad's rescue and stopped the madness! Oh Chuck, I'd remain boyfriend-less if it makes you happy. As long as vampires don't seduce me you are safe in my pale heart. And Chuck even begs Dan not to reveal this. Dan don't do it or I will take a plane to New York and hunt you down!
It's a good thing Dan came to his senses and stopped himself from publishing the story. Plus he made Bart and Chuck make up as he gave Bart the Chuck story he wrote. Here's an excerpt, Mom. Read how crappy it is!
His hand held a firm grip around the glass Scotch. It was like the glass was a part of him and if he let it go he'd lose a piece of himself. He took one long gulp and finished off the glass.
"Keep them coming, Joe," he spoke across the bar. The surly bartender poured some more of the brown liquid into his glass. He tilted it towards Joe and took a sip. As it hit his mouth, his lips curled and he swallowed. The glass was still clutched in his hand.
Charlie Trout had spent every Birthday at this bar since he was thirteen years old. And this year was no exception. Charlie sat on the exact same stool, drank the exact same brand of Scotch and ordered from the exact same bartender year after year. One would think Charlie Trout's Birthday party would be full of friends, sexy women and located at an exclusive Manhattan club. But that was not the case. Charlie's Birthday was always just a party of one. Or two, if you count Joe the bartender.
Charlie's Birthday didn't just signify his aging. It also represented the anniversary of his mother's death. She died while giving birth to him all those years ago and Charlie's been living with that grief ever since. Charlie's father, media tycoon Bernie Trout, had never once wanted to celebrate his son's Birthday. There were no elaborate Birthday parties for little Charlie. There weren't even Birthday cakes. Nor any wrapped gifts. A Lego set or a toy fire truck were never waiting at the foot of Charlie's bed when he awoke on his Birthday morning. All he ever got was just a deposit into a savings account.
This caused Charlie to believe his father held him responsible for his mother's death. If it weren't for Charlie, Bernie's beloved wife would still be alive. It was Charlie who killed her, Bernie must have thought. And that was why Bernie could never truly love Charlie.
Joe the plumber even made a cameo appearance when he ditched his old job to become an NYC bartender. Sweet.
Serena arrived back at Aaron's place when she saw him and some girl sharing an intimate moment. And good thing Serena breaks up with him! Yay! Now for her to get back with Dan. Or seduce Mike.
Jenny tried to blackmail her own father but Rufus won't budge. Like of course she's her dad for crying out loud, which was what Jenny did on the streets of Brooklyn. Kicked out of Agnes' place, can't stay at their home, she goes to her dad's art gallery to stay. And calls the investor if there's another way to conduct business since her dad (and mom) won't sign the waivers.
Bart and Chuck finally bond, thanks to Dan. If Dan went along with the story, the fangirls will turn into kamikaze pilots and will storm the CW's offices everywhere. And father and son will... watch hockey games together! Sweet!
The other father and son (Rufus and Bart) were also bonding. Rufus commended Dan for using his judgmental attitude in not publishing the story, but Rufus has to fix up his own family. Since Jenny's practically homeless. And Jenny? The only way for her to conduct business is for her to be emancipated. And guess what? You need parents' signatures to get emancipated. I wonder if I'll be able to emancipate myself...
More bonding, mom! This time it's Blair and Serena where they talked about... guess what? Father and son too. Cyrus and Aaron. Cyrus and Blair's mom made up and Cyrus will be staying at the Waldorf Penthouse! Blair's fuming mad, LOL. And Cyrus? Serena must be overly smitten with this guy that she forgave him. WTF? And they went out in the city, with Serena wearing only a nightie. I wonder what will happen if the wind blows.
And there it ends, mom. I know you're not into Monday shows so I guess it'll be good time for you to get started. And it will make you remember me, just think of Blair as me and you'll forget that I was almost ran over by a truck. And did I told you how I escaped unscathed? That's for another email.
xoxo, Bella
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*I did NOT make that up. Right, KStew fans?
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