Where David Stern is the star player happens: Top 10 stories of the 2011 NBA Playoffs 1st Round

This may have been the best first round of the NBA Playoffs ever, and to think no series went to seven games. But what should be more surprising is that the series that we expected to suck generated the most drama while those just deserve a "meh" reaction.

And how about them Solar Sports, giving us the games nobody wants to watch. Hey at least in the Conference Semis, they have no choice but to show something, considering there are fewer games to dump into NBA Premium, where nobody watches happens.
#10. The Heat ain't crying yet
You know, this is the undercard in one of those Pacquiao fights were Chino and Quinito just greet everyone, with Quinito kissing the ass of Ambassador Danding.

#9. KD dominating the Nuggets
Ever since Melo left, they've been stripped off the Thuggets monicker and still suck.

#8. Thorny Rose?
Fact: The only game the Pacers won, D-Rose did not achieve game-high in scoring.

#7. Unbounded Tyson Chandler
Tyson Chandler might be the missing piece in the Mavs championship puzzle -- a dominating big man. But would he be enough? The Mavs weren't able to stop David Stern the Blazers in their game 4 comeback, so that's one problem they should solve -- against the Lakeshow.

#6. End of the road for the Spurs?
Big question: Is it time for the Spurs to take drastic measures? Sell Duncan? Tank next season to get the #1 pick? Spank Richard Jefferson until training camp? Make sure Tony and Eva get back together again?

#5. Chris Paul: First Round MVP?
It's as if Pido was coaching the Hornets, with his three Ps philosophy: Puso, Pass the ball to Paul. Too bad Emeka thought he was still in Charlotte, and Kobe thought the Finals came in April.

#4. Swept away by Leprechauns.
Baseball has the Red Sox and the Yankees, but the basketball version was anticlimatic. Melo and STAT succumbed to injuries, and MSG wanted to bring Balkman back (nah). At least it's not Isiah.

#3. "Damn Kobe"
That phrase trended in Twitter. In situations where Pau Gasol is thinking of SOFT pillows, Lamar is thinking of Kim Kardashian and not Khloe, and when Andrew Bynum should've been paying for his hospital bills, Kobe does something.

#2. Memphis won, and then some.
The Grizzlies made a lot of firsts: such as making sure "Z" does not only mean "Zydrunas Ilgauskas." Now the franchise is in uncharted territory, and somehow, Mike Conley is earning every cent of his salary... well maybe still not.

#1. Orlando Magic: Disappointment of the season?
It doesn't help when your coach threw himself under the bus and lived to tell about it.

Postscript: It's interesting how the Conference Semis matchups look like. While not advocating for reseeding as it is done in the (NHL) Stanley Cup Playoffs, the massive regular season push by the Spurs and Bulls gave us a couple of interesting matchups: Mavs vs. Lakers and Celtics vs. Heat. The demotion of the Lakers to the #2 seed, and the Bulls causing the Celtics and Heat meet one round earlier than expected can make a pretty bland Conference Finals before things pick up once more in the NBA Finals, assuming David Stern does not screw up things.

Ten things to watch out for in the NBA Playoffs

Nah, it's not how many times Kobe dunks over Paul Millsap to emulate what King James did to the Motown boys two years ago, nor how many burgers Deron chows down before game time.

10. How many times Solar shows KFC VTRs every start of the quarter.
Hmmmm. Me want chicken. Wait, are those even chickens? It's like they're hypnotizing us.

9. How many times Solar filp-flops on their schedules
Like I almost wasn't able to see the Mavs-Spurs game 1. More on this later.

8. How many times Derrick Rose proves he's better than MJ
Imagine this: MJ wasn't able to win against the Celtics, tie Kareem's playoff debut record, and have at least 35 points and ten assists in one game.

7. How many times Ray Allen has to miss the game-winning shot
I still remember the last playoff game held at the KeyArena. It was against the Spurs, and the Sonics needed a trey to win. To Allen's credit he was really well guarded, unlike last the time...

6. How many times should the Sixers appear to have control of the series, and then lose
They did this to Detroit, and even led 2-1. What happened? Heck, there's the Flyers anyway, but the Pens will take care of them.

5. When would we able to see the Sixers-Magic series on ABC?
Me: Please?
ABC: No. We'd rather show... The Unusuals. Amber Tamblyn is hotter than "Sex on Fire."

4. When would T-Mac play?
Because I wagered against the Rockets!

3. When would we see Miley Cyrus and Shawn Johnson on halftime?
Like please.

2. We know that Hubie Brown and Tim Duncan are close but...
...when would Hubie stop on calling Duncan "Timmy"? Can't they have a clone of JVG instead?

1. When can see more of Heather Cox
Since Erin Andrews is strictly for college sports, and since Heather is... fiery.

NBA Western Conference Playoffs, 90015

With the Eastern Conference teams done with all of the bitch-slapping from K-Fed (who got second place in a bowling tournament... can you believe that? Second place? Him?), it's time to shift our attention to the left-coast, the left-leaning liberals who'll make sure every animal has more rights than unborn babies. Better get your teabags ready, kids!

So the usual, the eight playoff teams as their 90210 counterparts. Only that they play lacrosse. And the team from Kansas that went to California didn't qualify. Aw, shucks.

Idea "inspired" from The Dagger, the Yahoo! Sports NCAA blog.

Guidance Counselor Kelly Taylor
You know, the hot guidance counselor your school didn't have.
Portland Trail Blazers. Last seen at the playoffs three years after the original 90210 went off-air, the new-look, clean-cut, we're not jail blazers anymore Portland Trail Blazers will make sure Bill Walton will itch for a comeback, like Silver's sister.

Brenda Walsh
Hey at least I have some career of some sort.
Utah Jazz. Guess who's older? Shannen Doherty or Jerry Sloan? If you guessed Jerry, then prepared to watch the whole run of "Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty", which is reportedly more exciting than Utah Jazz basketball.

Ethan Ward
Everyone loves the jock. Even boys.
Houston Rockets. Everyone seems to have soft spot for the Rockets, well if you ignore Ron Artest. Everyone wants them to achieve a breakthrough. But like Ethan who won't make it to season 2, the Rockets would not make it to round 2, if T-Mac plays. Hah.

Dixon Wilson
Everyone's BROTHA!
New Orleans Hornets. What's similar with the Hornets and my brotha Dixon? They are both adopted, Dixon adopted by the Dixons, and the Hornets adopted by New Orleans after their hasty exit at the hallowed grounds of One Tree Hill.

Erin Silver
I'm so cool, I'd give you death stares just for the heck of it.
Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe Bryant is ice cool, check that ice cold, he made more game-winning shots than Roel Gomez? Roel who? Exactly.

Principal Harry Wilson
I'd bust every thug in this school or bust!
San Antonio Spurs. Every odd-numbered year since 1998 save for 2001, the Spurs have been champs, and they have a legit claim to the title with the Southwest Division... nah, they'd just bring the Oakland Raiders defense to make the Mavs cry.

Annie Wilson
"So perky-people-hate-me-because-i'm so plastic-and-as-thin-as-a-cracker"
Denver Nuggets. If there's a Western Conference team that should make the breakthrough, it's the Nuggz. Which makes them so perky they squee everytime George Karl breathes. And I betcha instead of Gatorade, they drink Dr. Pepper at practice. Hmmmm, tastes like Gran Matador!

Adrianna Tate-Duncan
The drugged girl turned preggy girl
Like come on, you should see this coming a light year away. The Dallas Mavericks deserve to be Adrianna for the simple reason that Josh Howard is playing at the highest level since God knows when. Expect Josh to take it a notch higher as the playoffs continue, and reach it to the highest possible level during the off-season, where he does... his off-season "extra curricular" activities.

Suns-Spurs 2008: Where OMFG happens

If Tim Duncan converts a trey with time running out to force OT, you know that the basektball gods are asleep.



Verbatim, where NBA meets Gossip Girl happens.