September 2, 2011

TNT grand slammed! FireQuinito & Quinito workplace BFFs! Snow vs Tweety Bird! Draft night steals!

Screw the NBA lockout. While the NBA went from having the hottest offseason in history of offseasons, now they followed-up the epic trashing of LBJ and Co. with a scintillating lockout.

What's the biggest gainer in all of this except the guys who run NBA Premium TV, as they virtually earn their pesos by airing nothing? The PBA, that's what! Wait, what?

In case you were living under a rock, watching too many teledramas, or believe people from Laperal Compound watch Kirk Long's bald head on TV while they drool, the PBA just ended its season with Petron (formerly San Miguel, which is now the name of an ABL team. Wait what's ABL?) stopping what could've been Talk 'N Text's grand slam. That Finals series involved Mark Yee ANALyzing Anthony Grundy's behind, Hector Calma getting his first ever tech in the PBA... as a team manager, Jason Castro (no, not the dreadlocked dude on AI) getting injured and doing a Willis Reed, the MVP doing a LeBron James, Chot Reyes bitching about crappy imports they acquired themselves, and Ato Agustin taking potshots like a true Kapampangan.

That supposedly ended the season, but unlike the NBA that failed to follow up an impressive postseason, the PBA kept on churning news bits, just like how Erwin Tulfo makes sure your barangay officials are on their toes on his daily segment on Aksyon.

First, I guess anyone who knows about the PBA who knows how to use the interwebz has heard of FireQuinito, the award winning sports blog "that burns". The whole premise on the name was that Quinito Henson is not the hottest Lasallian, heterose since Enchong Dee, but since Quinito is more awful that Edward Cullen's tanning machine, he should be fired by whomever is giving him sustenance. Guess what, FireQuinito's main man Jaemark Tordecilla was hired by Sports5, the PBA's new broadcast partner. Incidentally, Sports5 retained several longtime PBA broadcasters, and no one is more old school than the Quinito Henson himself.

Could you imagine this? An Inside the PBA clone where FireQuinito and Quinito spit out zany league rumors, even Cristy Fermin would ditch AksyonTV to heed to her new calling as FireQuinito and Quinito's intrepid reporter.

Speaking of showbiz shit, the league resident Cristy Fermin, Snow Badua, got into a battle with ex-commissioner and now top SMC hoops honcho Noli Eala. Noli certainly did not exchange sweet nothings such as "BE MINE….AND MINE ALONE, and I WILL BE YOURS AND YOURS ALONE! I LOVE YOU FOREVER, I LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS. AS LONG AS I’M LIVING MY TWEETIE YOU’LL BE! (actual verbatim quote, down to the ALL CAPS)" to Snow. Snow unleashed his inner Yeti by slipping away Eala's bouncers (wait, he has bouncers?) like ice cold Jimmy Alapag on your James Yap-like hands.

What does this mean? Aside from Snow's show getting higher ratings than his idol Manoling Morato's Dial M and Danding giving Noli more bouncers? This has the makings of an epic feud that your grandkids will tell their grandkids while they keep your body frozen a la Futurama. It's like T'Wolves manager David Kahn spilling coffee on one of Craig Sager's prized suits, then they duke it out like what Brian Ilad and Mark Fampulme used to do.

Just like Snow Badua (well, not really), I did not particularly pay attention to the just concluded PBA Draft, aside from Fafa Andy's purdy girlfriend, Brian Ilad actually being drafted, and pseudo-drooling on Shopinas' governor who just lambasted me on Twitter by saying that the " Clickers" name is as awesome as the name of the Toro Rosso F1 team; aside that it's the final appearance of Tim Cone as coach of the Alaska Aces. Tim Cone leaving the Aces severs the league's final hold on to the 1990s, as virtually anyone who has won titles at that time is either retired, riding the bench, or contemplating a comeback of Captain Marbel proportions.

So while us NBA fans have to content ourselves with Ateneo sweeping the UAAP, San Sebastian and San Beda virtually assuring themselves of an NCAA Finals rematch, and hours wasted watching the NAASCU on Net 25, let's remind ourselves that the PBA is not dead, and even if it is dying, something nastier is sure to replace it. Like WilTime Bigtime taking over its timeslot. Imagine Shalani playcalling the PBA.

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