April 16, 2008

Top 10 reasons why Kobe should MVP

Yes, you’ve heard that right. From me. Kobe is the MVP. In fact Kobe should be MVP every season he’s been in the NBA, even the seasons before he was drafted. He’s that great. Here’s why:

10. The New Orleans Hornets are better than the Lakers.
One argument being used by Kobe fanboys is that the Hornets are better than the Lakers. Let’s see:
Bynum/Gasol vs. Chandler: Darko would tell you that Gasol is soft. Bynum? Who’s that?
Odom vs. West: D-West is an all-star. Nuff said.
Radman vs. Peja: Oh, Euro ball. Of course the one with lesser facial hair wins.
Kobe vs. Mo-Pete: Come on, it’s Kobe. We’ve already established Kobe is the greatest athlete to walk the Earth. Kobe wins!
Fish vs. CP3: Although you'd say CP3 is an MVP candidate, Fish has done a ton more things than the noob. He made Spurs fans (if they exist) cry. Can CP3 do that?
Bench: Come on, NOH has the #1 bench in all of sports. They can beat any team in any sport.
NOH wins, 4-1.

9. The Lakers are in the toughest division.
Look at the Pacific Division. The teams are tougher than you think. Hell, the original tough guy resides in the state capital. That makes it a lot tougher than the Southwest.

8. Kobe has a hot wife.
Although Tony Parker and Marko Jaric would certainly disagree, Kobe is still better than them combined.

7. Kobe had Kwame.
The second greatest player of all-time drafted Kwame, ergo, Kwame is great by default.

6. Because of Kobe, Bynum improved.
Just don’t tell Stern that Kobe really injected those roids into Bynum’s feeble body that’s why he can’t heal fast enough in time for the Lakers-Celtics Finals. See, it’s predetermined.

5. All other MVP contenders are crap.
The Boston Three Party are no match to Kobe. Kobe can win in a 3-in-1 match. Easily. LeBron’s team suck. And we’ve already established that the Hornets are better than the Lakers that’s why Kobe has more points for effort.

4. The Knicks suck.
You’re asking why the hell this is even considered. I just want to.

3. Because he’s Kobe Bryant.
To borrow a line from this guy.

2. The press loves Kobe.
I can even see the L.A. Times reporters tampering ballots.

1. Because of this.
Enough said.

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