June 6, 2008

The Truth™ on what happened on Game 1...

...is that Paul Pierce aka "The Truth™," aka the best nickname since "Tom 'I'm Gisele Bundchen's errand boy' Brady", just got the script from David Stern's office. And in a Tony Award-winning effort, with props to Best Supporting Actor Kendrick Perkins (who was injured legitimately later), Pierce went down to Boston Garden's parquet floor, grimacing in pain. We thought that we should say bye-bye to Game 1, to the Larry O'Brien Trophy, to Danny Ainge's GM job, and most especially to David Stern's $$$.

Four-fifths of the Celtics bench stood up, carried their captain to the bench, then eventually Pierce had to go to the dressing room. Then Kobe and co. made a couple of turnovers, Lamar got high suddenly, and the Celtics were now ahead by one.

Meanwhile, in the locker room:
Celtics trainer: Hey Paul...(The Truth™ interrupts him)
The Truth™ Please call me The Truth™.
Trainer: The Truth™, can you still play? (Apparently, he didn't get the script)
The Truth™: I speak The Truth™ and I can play.
Trainer: Really? Are sure? That was a bad fall, and Kendrick is a heavy g.... (The Truth™ interrupts him again)
The Truth™: What? Look, I can backflip like Carly Patterson on the 2004 Olympics. (Demonstrates the backflip a la Carly Patterson)
Trainer: Whoa. I never saw you do that, even in practice.
The Truth™: Hey, I'm The Truth™, I can do anything. Besides, its the Finals, if Ryan Malone can play with a bloody nose, AND THAT'S HOCKEY, sure I can do a backflip. Wanna see me on parallel bars?
(Assistant coach Eddie House enters the room)
Eddie House: Hey Paul...
The Truth™: Call me The Truth™.
Eddie House: And call me House, M.D.
Brian Scalabrine: LOL. (Apparently, Scalabrine was reserved in case the game extends into three overtimes.)
Eddie House: Enough of that, my telepathic powers tell me the "fall" wasn't that bad and you can play. We've even stolen the lead!
The Truth™: Sure, go and tell Doc I'm coming.
Eddie House: Sure. Might as well tell the music guy to cue in the "Rocky" song.
(House, M.D. leaves)
The Truth™: Time to return to make Chino Trinidad and Quinito Henson cry. Those bloody Kobe fanboys. Good thing I watch ABC. Jeff and Mark are hella funny. Too bad they didn't place Erin Andrews, if only I was at Kansas right now...

Next on the NBA on ABC: The Truth™ speaks of his admiration to Willis Reed, the "There can only be one" commercial featuring Bird and Magic debuts, and Doc's version of Red Auerbach's how-to's of basketball home video. Plus an exclusive interview from Katelyn Faber, live from Denver, Colorado, by a drunk Carmelo Anthony and directed by Josh Howard on pot.

And the NBA on RPN? Quinito digs up dirt on the players to find out their connections to the Philippines. Plus, Chino guests a cardiologist to expound on the anatomy of the "puso." And Vito arrives from Manila(!) to host the halftime report to show the physics of fade-away jumpers. Only on the NBA on RPN, where we watch because Sky hates us happens.

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