January 1, 2009

MMVIII: TV series that makes you want to shake your TV set

2008 has sure been a bane for the TV world. First, the writers want a bigger share of the pie so they had a strike, and of course, everyone else whose job description does not say "producer" has to share their time in showing to the paps their pretty picket signs.

Now when they got what they wanted, they can't think of new ideas so they just ripped off ideas from the past or some other medium, like make the Degrassi girl into the Kansas girl, and now you have 90210; make Bionic Woman's little sis into a really rich kid, and now you have Privileged, and make Pacey into an action star and now you have Dawson Creek goes to hell.

And that goes the same for the local TV industry too. Right, Abby and Meg?

10. "TMZ on TV"
Everyone's favorite celebrity blog not named Perez Hilton, or Just Jared, or Pink is the New Blog, or some other celebrity blog here not named TMZ is now on TV! Harvey Levin makes sure that (1) Alicia Sacramone doesn't lose her 15 minutes of fame, even though she won only a silver, (2) Tom Brady's injury would mean disaster to his opponent's fantasy team, and (3), everyone would still remember who Jamie Lynn Spears is.

9. "Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld"
Can your gut handle conservatives being funny? Or seeing some nasty insect inside a skull? Or some really hot and/or cute conservatives? Or finding out the latest on the war on strippers? Or see conservatives make liberals cry they call themselves "progressives"? Then this is the show for you, that is if you're not yet in bed by three in the morning.

8. "How I Met Your Mother"
The premise of "HIMYM" is that Barney Stimson is like his brotha. He's gay, but the thing is, he appears not to be gay, so he seems to be Glenn Quagmire. Only that he is gay. And Buffy's little sis is so cute. And Britney sometimes makes a visit. Or something like that.

Oh, have I told you it's a comedy?

7. "Pushing Daisies"
If there's one thing I learned watching teen flicks, it's that you don't use the pie for self-serving purposes. But the pie-maker dreams of world domination, so he uses pies to resurrect the girl he played hopscotch with who had just died.

Can't get it? Neither does the audience since Pushing Daisies was canceled even before the pie-maker baked his last pie. Now gimme some pie and I'll do something to it...

6. "The Moment of Truth"
Just imagine this as Mo Twister and Rufa Mae Quinto in "Showbiz Central", and that Mark Wahlberg wants to be the Ryan Seacrest of his generation, and that money is actually involved. Big, big bucks. Bigger than Stephon Marbury's Knicks contract.

5. "The Big Bang Theory"
Who says nerds aren't funny? Oh, they always laughed at us. Doesn't matter, because since we're smarter, we can devise ways to lure the female species into our lair. How would the rest of the world find other demographic group to ridicule upon, who are not named Jews, Blacks, gays and redheads?

4. "Ugly Betty"
According to America Ferrera, "shows like Gossip Girl kind of condition us to be mean." She took this philosophy to heart, since she literally rolled over eyes when Blake Lively successfully hijacked the interview to make it "Gossip Girl"- centric.

Hope Georgina wreaks havoc Betty's world someday, or maybe I'd just look for Daniella Valencia.

3. "American Gladiators"
The show that made Mike Adamle a household name the world over. Haven't heard of him? Me too, especially after he "resigned" on WWE RAW. Wait, he became a wrestler? Yep, he was so bad, the fans at the arena when it was his turn to wrestle. Where did they went? To see Hulk Hogan being pinned by Laila Ali. In the "Eliminator". Are sure it's not the "Elimination Chamber"? Heck, the Eliminator is more awesome than the Elimination Chamber, especially if Laila Ali is at the finish line waiting to bust your brains out.

2. "Hannah Montana"
If this isn't #1, then the #1 must have been super-awesome. Like "Gossip Girl", or "iCarly" (hahaha), or "Lobo", despite the seriously gay overtones. But there's something about a female redneck teen living with her redneck dad acting out a female redneck teen living with her redneck dad, while being a pop superstar.

It's like watching Baron Geisler in "Eva Fonda". It's so natural, it's like freshly-squeezed orange juice.

Before we go into the #1 TV show that made TV topple the totalitarian regime of the People's Republic of China, here are the TV shows ranked 20-11:
11. "Eva Fonda" - why would she be ashamed? WHY?!?!?!?!
12. "Dirty Sexy Money" - it's like Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side, only that Gossip Girl is from the Upper East Side
13. "NBA on ABC" - What do you get when you put Stan Van Gundy in the commentators' chair? Unlimited yapping on the greatness that was Mark Jackson.
14. "American Idol" - As I've said before, Season 8 was the single most stupid season in AI history. Probably the reason why RX 93.1 was beaten for the Best FM station in the KBP Golden Glove Awards.
15. "Lipstick Jungle" - this is the reason why Jack Bauer never had a wife. HA!
16. "Ghost Whisperer" - should be changed to "Bewb Whisperer" or something to that effect.
17. "NHL on NBC" - this show is so lowly rated, some affiliates aired the Preakness (that's a horse race) pre-race show. While the game was tied, and in overtime.
18. "Pinoy Fear Factor" - like its canceled American counterpart, PFF is not about the stunts, or the Joe Rogan-esque hosting of Ryan Agoncillo, but it's about the hot women of the show.
19. "Super Bowl XLII" - Marv Albert on the catch that made Tom Brady weep: "Eli Manning out of the shotgun.… He takes it,… facing pressure.… He's in trouble.… He's spun around.… He's able to get away!… Looks to throw.… He does, downfield.… And a leaping catch is made down at the 25! What a play!" (Ironically enough, Marv was calling the play on the radio.) (More on this on the special Top 20 sports events of the year on January 2.)
20. "The Soup" - actually, I dunno which one to put at #20, this one or "The Dish." The Lance Bass factor did it for me.

1. "Lipgloss"
Not since "Love to Love: Jass Got Lucky" has Philippine TV so ripped off a foreign TV show that I'd have to give "Lipgloss" the #1 TV series of 2008. Every character is basically a rip-off of Gossip Girl, to wit:
  • Meg is Serena
  • Abby is Blair
  • Jake is Nate
  • Jiggo is Dan
  • Maui is Chuck
  • Ziggy is Jenny
  • Sarah (not Georgina Sparks) is Vanessa

I'd have to give them props on making some deviations, though:
  • Abby (Blair) got pregnant
  • Maui (Chuck) didn't molest Ziggy (Jenny)
  • Sarah (Vanessa) is sick (a la Peyton Sawyer HAHAHAHAHA)
  • Gossip Girl is gay

But all in all, "Lipgloss" is "Gossip Girl" painted in a different color. So, with that, are the top 10 TV series of 2008. If your grandchildren will ask you, what TV show defined 2008, tell them it's where Princess Ryan's career originated: "Wowowee."

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