March 19, 2009

There are more insane people in March than any other month because...

Oh yes, March. The month they killed Julius Caesar, the month the beach business picks up, and the month where basketball addicts are fixated on brackets, since it’s NCAA March Madness, the next best thing since the post-2006 NBA Playoffs.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.usWith all of the current posts on playoffs, lets go to the ultimate playoff experience. 30 teams and 30 stories? This one’s better! 65 teams and 65 stories. Two (really bad) teams play each other at the opening round with a salivating prospect of playing the overall #1 seed. What? Overall #1 seed? Yes, there are four #1 seeds, all the way down to the #16 seeds. And people fill those brackets up like Pacquiao changes TV stations.

So there are four big brackets, everyone fills it up, and if someone gets all of the matchups correctly s/he wins… bragging rights for the rest of the year. (Has anyone ever had a perfect bracket anyway?)

So here are my brackets:

Midwest Regional:
Midwest is the home of the #1 seed of all #1 seeds: the Louisville Cardinals, you know, the school where UK prospects that were not white ended up.
  1. Louisville vs. Morehead St. – the only thing awesome from this matchup is that the Cardinals are going up against Morehead. More. Head. LGBT peeps will be rooting for the Eagles.
  2. Ohio St. vs. Siena – What? Siena College is in the NCAAs? They can’t even crack the UAAP, heck the local NCAA, hell even the NAASCU and they’re here? WTF? Bah, it’s Siena College NY, and they have 3,000+ students, against The Ohio State University which has 52,000 students; the largest student body in the United States. How is that even fair? It’s like UP going up against Letran, only we know which team would wallop the other’s ass.
  3. Utah vs. Arizona – Utah is in the middle of the desert. Don’t get me started where Arizona is. Nah, Steve Kerr will be cheering like the Wildcats almost didn’t make it for the existence of the "Mountaineer Clause" where only one team nicknamed "Mountaineers" is allowed to enter the tournament. Too bad there is no "Wildcat Clause" or else Kentucky and Arizona will be at the Opening Round.
  4. Wake Forest vs. Cleveland St. – Like this and the previous matchup’s winners will have their asses kicked in the third round anyway so…
  5. West Virginia vs. Dayton – Hey, the Mountaineers are better than the Ateneans; they have bonfires even if their team doesn’t win the region. Yay!
  6. Kansas vs. North Dakota State – If the Gayhawks lose again in the first round, James Naismith will rise from his grave.
  7. Boston College vs. USC – What are these two teams doing in Minneapolis? Watching the greatest NBA franchise of all-time known as the Minnesota Timberwolves?
  8. Michigan State vs. Robert Morris – Like I don’t even know where Robert Morris is or who Robert Morris is so…

Looking ahead: A mouth-watering Louisville-Kansas regional final is on the horizon. Unless USC spoils the party or if Michigan St. suddenly realize they're playing basketball and not ice hockey and work to catchup with the 20-5 scoreline in the second round (as if that'll happen).

Western Regional:
If there's the regional of all regionals, it's the West. Not because Liberals live there, but because... it's just awesome.
  1. Connecticut vs. Chattanooga – Their names are so hard to spell, I had to copy-paste the text to spell it correctly. I guess "Huskies" is harder to spell than "Mocs" (WTF is a "Moc" anyway?) so I'd go with the Huskies. Yeah as if I had any choice. BTW, if it weren't for Chattanooga, Davidson would've made it. Argh.
  2. BYU vs. Texas A&M – Mormons FTW! Nah, Texans will win since #9s are better head-to-head than the #8s. I think I read that somewhere.
  3. Purdue vs. Northern Iowa – If you thought More. Head. was awesome, check out the Boilermakers. w00t!
  4. Washington vs. Mississippi St. – Spell "Mississippi" with one "I"! Come on, the SEC has to win one.
  5. Marquette vs. Utah St. – What's with these teams from Utah? Too much Jazz? The school with more athletic nicknames than basketball championships will take this one.
  6. Missouri vs. Cornell – Do you really think the nerds can win? If only Princeton made it.
  7. California vs. Maryland – ACC FTW since I don't have a clue. Maybe if Kidd played Da Bears might win.
  8. Memphis vs. Cal State Northridge – Remember last year? No one's left, but they're back. As the #2 seed. Tigers will win for all of the tigers in the world. That excludes you, Hanshin Tigers.

Looking ahead: Why did I say this is the regional of all regionals? Think about the potential third round matchups: UConn-Boilermakers (heh) and Mizzou-Memphis. The latter is like Mizzou-Kansas although it's not as gay. The potential UConn-Mizzou regional final is like the third national semifinal, if there's anything such as the third national semifinal.

Eastern Regional:
Did you know that among the four #1 seeds, three came from the Big East conference? And on this regional, the #1 seed is Pittsburgh, and #3 is Villanova. Yep, another team nicknamed "Wildcats." No wonder they chose that nickname for East High School. Dunno what East H.S. is? Go ask some person who watches the Disney Channel.

  1. Pittsburgh vs. East Tennessee St. – Tip, if any school has a direction within its name, it means it's small time. Like East Tennessee St., Central Connecticut St., Western Kentucky, Northern Iowa. Exceptions are states whose names have directions like "North Carolina". Exception to the exception are the Dakotas. And oh, Southern Cal, oops, should be "USC." I forgot, Pitt will make mincemeat out of ETSU.
  2. Oklahoma St. vs. Tennessee – Tennessee would totally win, if the University of Memphis is at Nashville or if this were the women's tournament. Nah, the Vols will win.
  3. Florida St. vs. Wisconsin – Watch out for... I dunno. I'll pick FSU since I remember one of those New Year bowl games against Penn State. I think it went three overtimes. Or maybe that was another game.
  4. Xavier vs. Portland St. – Who knew Xavier School had a team here? They're like cute little kids being spanked in the playground. Oh wait, I thought this was the X-Men school. The X-Men will win with their mutant powers.
  5. UCLA vs. VCU – Seth Davis told the world that VCU would win in the first round. A few minutes later, he said the same thing. Vegas says the odds are between +7.5 and +8 in favor of the UCLA Lakers. Prior to Seth's pronouncement, it was +18 UCLA.
  6. Villanova vs. American Univ. – What do you get when you combine More. Head. and the Boilermakers? The awesomest school name+nickname combo: American Eagles. Too bad one of the wildcatses are waiting for the pounce.
  7. Texas vs. Minnesota – What is the complete opposite of the Boilermakers? Golden Gophers. Like I should really be scared. Golden Gophers are chasing me! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! At least Longhorns is better. And it's orange.
  8. Dookies vs. Binghampton – Binghampton FTW even though I dunno that school even existed.

Looking ahead: Higher seeds should win the first round except for the dicey #8 vs. #9 and according to Seth Davis, UCLA vs. VCU. With that said, we can have an all-Catholic regional final, if the seculars either got too drunk the night before the game or if their team bus was driven by some Thai driver.

Southern Regional
Ah, the South. Particularly North Carolina; the hotbed of hoops. UNC, NC State, Wake Forest, Davidson (thanks to Stephen Curry) and perhaps some other school whose first letter starts with a "D".

  1. North Carolina vs. Radford – This is not even right.
  2. LSU vs. Butler – Ah, the always intriguing #8 vs. #9 matchup. Doesn't matter, they'll be out by the next round.
  3. Illinois vs. Western Kentucky – Japeth Aguilar will have a 20-20-5-5-5 game and will be enshrined in WKU history as the greatest Hilltopper ever. Really. With Illnois having injury woes, WKU has a chance to steal this one, just like last year.
  4. Gonzaga vs. Akron – Even without Adam Morrison, 'Zags will win. They should like transfer to a bigger conference so we can see how tough they really are.
  5. Arizona St. vs. Temple – I dunno, but I was surprised by how the Pac-10 turned out this year; it wasn't the UCLA show like it used to be. Welcome change for a bit, I say?
  6. Syracuse vs. Stephen A. Smith – Too bad I wasn't able to see the 6OT classic between UConn and 'Cuse. Who knows if we all get lucky, we can see an encore. At the championship game.
  7. Clemson vs. Michigan – Hey, can't we have a Ohio State-Michigan championship game? Nah, another one of the Tigers will win.
  8. Oklahoma vs. Morgan State – Isn't Oklahoma a musical? The Sooner the misery ends for Morgan State the better.

Looking ahead: If all goes into plan, we can see a rematch of UNC-WKU at the regional semifinals. But more than likely UNC would not even feel they're on the tips of their heels for the most part. Like Oklahoma? Syracuse is spent as is AIG.

Final Four forecast:
Louisville vs. Memphis and Pitt vs. UNC: After an epic battle against UConn, Memphis would be too tired to play the Cardinals, and the UNC's easy way to the Final Four would allow them to have a well-conditioned semifinal against Pitt. After facing two Catholic schools on the way, they must go to the confessional and be sorry for their sins, hence paving the way for a Louisville-UNC final. It's like Duke vs. Kentucky several years ago only that the ACC team would still win.

Note: Brackets will be added tomorrow morning. East and South regionals later.

Illinois vs. Western Kentucky is scheduled for Thursday at 9:55 p.m. Eastern, so that's Friday at 9:55 a.m. for us. Dunno if BTV will show it. The other 9:55 game is UCLA vs. VCU. (More on that matchup between the Bruins and Rams later.)

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