April 17, 2009

NBA Western Conference Playoffs, 90015

With the Eastern Conference teams done with all of the bitch-slapping from K-Fed (who got second place in a bowling tournament... can you believe that? Second place? Him?), it's time to shift our attention to the left-coast, the left-leaning liberals who'll make sure every animal has more rights than unborn babies. Better get your teabags ready, kids!

So the usual, the eight playoff teams as their 90210 counterparts. Only that they play lacrosse. And the team from Kansas that went to California didn't qualify. Aw, shucks.

Idea "inspired" from The Dagger, the Yahoo! Sports NCAA blog.

Guidance Counselor Kelly Taylor
You know, the hot guidance counselor your school didn't have.
Portland Trail Blazers. Last seen at the playoffs three years after the original 90210 went off-air, the new-look, clean-cut, we're not jail blazers anymore Portland Trail Blazers will make sure Bill Walton will itch for a comeback, like Silver's sister.

Brenda Walsh
Hey at least I have some career of some sort.
Utah Jazz. Guess who's older? Shannen Doherty or Jerry Sloan? If you guessed Jerry, then prepared to watch the whole run of "Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty", which is reportedly more exciting than Utah Jazz basketball.

Ethan Ward
Everyone loves the jock. Even boys.
Houston Rockets. Everyone seems to have soft spot for the Rockets, well if you ignore Ron Artest. Everyone wants them to achieve a breakthrough. But like Ethan who won't make it to season 2, the Rockets would not make it to round 2, if T-Mac plays. Hah.

Dixon Wilson
Everyone's BROTHA!
New Orleans Hornets. What's similar with the Hornets and my brotha Dixon? They are both adopted, Dixon adopted by the Dixons, and the Hornets adopted by New Orleans after their hasty exit at the hallowed grounds of One Tree Hill.

Erin Silver
I'm so cool, I'd give you death stares just for the heck of it.
Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe Bryant is ice cool, check that ice cold, he made more game-winning shots than Roel Gomez? Roel who? Exactly.

Principal Harry Wilson
I'd bust every thug in this school or bust!
San Antonio Spurs. Every odd-numbered year since 1998 save for 2001, the Spurs have been champs, and they have a legit claim to the title with the Southwest Division... nah, they'd just bring the Oakland Raiders defense to make the Mavs cry.

Annie Wilson
"So perky-people-hate-me-because-i'm so plastic-and-as-thin-as-a-cracker"
Denver Nuggets. If there's a Western Conference team that should make the breakthrough, it's the Nuggz. Which makes them so perky they squee everytime George Karl breathes. And I betcha instead of Gatorade, they drink Dr. Pepper at practice. Hmmmm, tastes like Gran Matador!

Adrianna Tate-Duncan
The drugged girl turned preggy girl
Like come on, you should see this coming a light year away. The Dallas Mavericks deserve to be Adrianna for the simple reason that Josh Howard is playing at the highest level since God knows when. Expect Josh to take it a notch higher as the playoffs continue, and reach it to the highest possible level during the off-season, where he does... his off-season "extra curricular" activities.

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