October 28, 2009

Bottom 10: NBA 09-10 countdown

College hoops is over, the baseball is about to end, Titans fans are lining up the furnaces to burn their season tickets, and across the state, the Grizzlies thought they can sell tix when they brought A.I. to town. So let's have the annual 30 teams, 29 failures, 1 championship, season preview.

Three hours. Thirty teams, three countdowns, until Boston and Cleveland tips the season off.

#30: Sacramento Kings
It's this simple, can you even point where Sacramento is on the map? Sure, you probably can't point where East Rutherford is but Tyreke Evans + Kevin Martin = ping-pong balls come June.

#29: Minnesota Timberwolves
At least the Twin Cities have the Vikings; too bad they were beaten earlier in the week. Al-Jeff with a busted Achilles tendon + Kevin Love's broken hand (which I had no clue when I drafted him HA HA) = Kurt Rambis clotheslining Brandon Jennings during practice.

#28: New Jersey Nets
Why was Courtney Lee sad when he was traded to the Nets? Because, he'd be in the middle of nowhere. Devin Harris will post AWESOME fantasy numbers, though. The team's future is bright, with Vince Carter out of the way.

#27: Golden State Warriors
The Jail Blazers traveled down the coast, eh? Or maybe it's the Raider Nation freaks who can't buy Raiders tickets and settled for the next best thing: Stephen Jackson's tats.

#26 Los Angeles Clippers
Clippers Curse. ShIt happens. And the hottest Blake in town isn't Blake Griffin, but Blake Lively. And Lively's isn't even in town until the Gossip Girl offseason.

#25 Memphis Grizzlies
It's been a long journey for Allen Iverson. And he didn't expect it to end teaching the finer points of hoops to O.J. Mayo. Like pushing over refs (OK, Mayo didn't do that.)

#24 Detroit Pistons
Ah, how the mighty have fallen. It started with the drafting of one Darko Milicic. If they drafted Melo, they wouldn't have to get Sheed, and they wouldn't have won the title, but they won't suck now. But yeah, I'll take the title, after all it came from the expense of the Lakers.

#23 Miami Heat
Just earlier this season, the Heat and the Pistons were battling for Eastern Conference supremacy. Now, they're battling for SportsCenter airtime. D-Wade is not pleased.

#22 Indiana Pacers
If you're putting a team's early season fortunes to Brandon Rush's shoulders, you know you're screwed.

#21 Charlotte Bobcats
What's with this offseason with several players getting injured in games that don't matter? WTF. Tyson Chandler may be happier in the land of Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis, but was it for the better?

So yes, these ten teams, you won't see them in the postseason, unless they have a blockbuster trade or something to that effect.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments are absolutely not moderated. Comments are displayed immediately once posted. Comments can be only be removed by the author (if signed in to a Goggle or OpenID account) or if requested by someone else with good reason.