November 15, 2007

Exploding crap hits crocodile farm

QUEZON CITY -- A big glob of crap from a crocodile farm in northeastern Manila suburb of Quezon City caused a massive explosion that caused tons of casualties. Police say that the explosion at the National Crocodile Farm was caused by accumulation of methane from the crap of crocodiles which were uncleaned since 2001, which was then triggered when a visitor decided to light a cigarette. The crocodiles inside the farm were not allowed to leave the premises for it would cause massive hysteria to the population.

"Methane gas mixed with combustible elements from the atmosphere caused the explosion," says the police officer who is a crocodile aficionado himself. He further said, that it is not a bomb, since no person would dare kill a bunch of harmless crocodiles, and no trace of an improvised explosive device was detected.

Among the casualties were crocodiles in the farm and the person who lit the cigarette. Authorities are currently pursuing a case against the carcass of the person who lit the cigarette; saying a punishment of reclusion perpetua was the maximum for such a bastardly act. However, the chief executive, who is a big Lacoste fan, didn't rule out executive clemency, saying the crocodiles can be easily replaced, as eggs are already in the pipeline by the said farm.

The authorities advised everyone to remain calm and insured no further explosions due to crap will happen soon, most especially to crocodiles.

In other news: "New York and New Jersey legislators agree to merge the states as 'New Jerk'."


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