Dear Gossip Boy...

Dear Gossip Boy,

My crush has a secret that he won't divulge. S/he (I really don't know his/her orientation) always invokes a legal term I can't remember. This secret would make or break our relationship. What should I do? Should I ditch him/her?

Sincerely,
Nerissa

Dear Nerissa,

First, play "Crushcrushcrush" by Paramore so you'd won't be lonely when you read this lengthly reply. Set in repeat. If you can't find that song, use "Crush" by Mandy Moore. Or any song with "Crush". But not "Crush on You" by Aaron Carter.

I'm betting that legal term you can't recall is what they call "executive privilege". This is one inherent power of the executive which can't be removed by anyone, anything or any creature. Why is that so? Because even though you don't have a constitution, the executive always possesses this power. In our case, all of executive power is possessed by the President. Now your crush is not the president, but how on earth can invoke that right? Perhaps the secret he wants to divulge came from his/her conversation with the president. If that's the case he can only divulge that secret on a court of law.

Now Nerissa, that would suck (pun intended), isn't it? You can't make him/her say anything aside from putting him/her where he belongs. What should you do? Apparently, your options are limited. But before I continue, you better find a new song to listen to. I'd recommend "Apologize" by OneRepublic. You'd know why later.

You can always bribe him/her with a wad of cash. But it seems he's supposed to moderate his/her greed, so I don't think this is a good idea. You can always try blackmailing him/her, since after all, "Good friends stab you in the front." If all else fails, you can always pressure him/her to go through the ordeal of court. You can always say sorry later and hope for a clean slate.

Or you can ditch him/her and find a new boytoy. It's always a lot easier that way, you can use your knowledge about him/her later when the need arises.

Sincerely,
Gossip Boy