Remember my recap/review of 90210's pilot? The new generation, that is? You know, like Degrassi: The New Generation, or the New Adventures of Lois and Clark, you get the drift. As I’ve said before, I was not able to watch the original Beverly Hills, 90210 from way back since that was the time I was stuck with Peachy and Wacks, so the only shows I can compare it with are its contemporaries: heck, its contemporary contemporaries, I wasn’t even able to catch Dawson’s Creek (to my defense I didn't watch Tabing Ilog either. Wee!).
10. Bring the Duff.
Hey, at least Lizzie McGuire had a cartoon version of herself. Even Hannah Montana didn’t have that. And Hilary should’ve been the lead character of this show, right?
9. Make Annie a real person.
Annie DOESN’T EXIST IN REAL LIFE. Never. If you've met a person just like Annie, post at the comments section below and tell me her number. If they’ll continue their current depiction of Annie, revive 7th Heaven and put her there, or put this show in the Disney Channel late at night. Or replace Shenae Grimes and do #10 above.
8. More of Silver
Since Annie doesn’t exist in real life, then we go to the next lead character, Silver. More scenes of Silver at the shelter, at the cemetery, at Dixon’s bathroom, anything that will make Silver have more scenes. Silver must be my long lost girlfriend from the fourth dimension. I don’t watch horror movies, though.
7. Make Naomi go to the parlor
Where the gay dude straightens her hair. AnnaLynne McCord looks so much better with straight hair. Heed the advice of one Peyton Sawyer, her pretty hair even stopped a wedding without herself lifting a finger.
6. Create a bad character
For the sake of being bad, you know like that devious bastard they call Chuck Bass. Adrianna doesn’t do it enough for me since she’s the Nate Archibald of this show – perpetually stoned. Of course Adrianna will live (like she will die this early).
5. A real storyline for the parents
Like one of them dies. Seriously.
4. I know it’s sunny in California
But the clothes bore me to death. Can’t they all be like Blair Waldorf and be cute all the time? Perhaps this show needs Jenny Humphrey to create their clothes, which brings me to…
3. Introduce a freshman character
I thought this is a staple of teen shows? One character or a group of characters younger than their peers. We had Kaitlin, Jenny, Ziggy (HA!) and Jamie (another HA!) so we might as well have one here. And since they’ll introduce a new character, kill off Ty, or send him to San Francisco for good.
2. Get someone as hot as Brooke Davis
Because seriously, all of the girls in this show are approaching Jenny Humphrey levels in skinniness. Or make Silver eat a ton of burgers at the Peach Pit. I heard Jollibee’s popular in SoCal.
1. Make Kelly Taylor a regular!
Yes, the hottest girl in the show is guidance counselor Kelly. The skinny and curly haired bitches do nothing for me, Shannen Doherty makes me sleep, the moms aren’t hot, and only guidance counselor Kelly makes me want to watch this show. Sign her up since in the long run, it’ll keep the old audience, and attract new audiences to watch Silver’s sister wear inappropriate school clothing. Awesome.
New Gossip Girl recaps later this week. I think.
This is inspired by this article.