May 16, 2009

The War Zone at the Office: Lakers-Rockets VII

When Yao Ming crashed and burned on Game 3, everyone thought that Houston had a big problem (yes, that was a poor play at the pun), but Shane Battier and Ron Artest made sure Kobe won't have another day at the office and they forced the deciding game 7.

Which team would win? Would Bill Walton come out of his broadcasting retirement to push for Luke to be on the starting 5? Would the the Western Conference Finals of the NHL (Detroit-Chicago) would have better ratings if Houston won?

Houston RocketsDept.Los Angeles LakersVerdict
Aaron BrooksPoint guardDerrick FisherIf you thought another Derrick would win the hearts and minds at the point, you are sorely mistaken. And aside from Vujacic, Fish must've been the most hated player by fans on the roster.
Ron ArtestShooting guardKobe BryantHere are Kobe's point totals after Game 3: 15, 26, 32. That 30+-point explosion in Game 6 came from his 9/10 FTs, which means Ron had a bad defensive night. Artest shouldn't have a bad defensive night two games in a row or else...
Shane BattierSmall forwardTrevor ArizaAriza has always been described as the next best thing. Betcha Bill Walton has a better punchline than that.
Luis ScolaPower forwardLamar OdomThe revelation of the series? Luis Scola. Everytime he plays at least 32 minutes, they'd win.
Whomever Adelman startsCenterPau GasolDespite all of the accusations of being soft, if he does log at least 42 minutes, the Lakers' record is 0-3. But heck, without Yao, Gasol and Bynum are free to camp at the shaded lane. Just don't tell the refs.
Brian CookSixth manAndrew BynumThis is one subplot no one cares about: the revenge of Cook against the Lakers! And he'll make Bynum pay.
Rick AdelmanCoachPhil JacksonPhil just has to hold a sign saying "Remember the 2000 Western Finals" and Rick will cry.
Joey Dorsey12th manDJ MbengaJust a few seasons ago, Mbenga was being trashed by Lakers fans for being too stupid. Gotta thank Kupchak for this signing.
Tracy McGradySecret weaponSasha VujacicTo atone for this, I dunno, 100 first round exits, Adelman will insert T-Mac into the lineup if victory is all but secured, only to find out they'll forfeit the game, or something.
3Result6If there's one thing David Stern absolutely hates, it is the NHL out-rating the NBA in the spring, so make sure Stern pulls out all of the stops, and perhaps bailing out Tim Donaghy from the feds, to make sure the Lakers and the Celtics win. Like if you were to choose, which would rather watch: Detroit vs. Chicago or Denver vs. Houston?

Game 7 is at Monday, 3:30 am at BTV. Those who don't live on the European time zone can catch the encore at C/S9 right after Game 7 of the Magic and the Leprechauns.

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